PICK YOUR BATTLES
Have you ever been in the shower or on your commute and imagined having a perfect argument? One where you make such sound and perfect arguments that the other person is struck speechless. For any young readers, I mean an argument that would be unanimously declared “savage” by your peers.
Well, I’ve done those before. Daydreamed of that perfect combination of words that change minds, moods and mindsets.
Sadly, I must inform you that those are only dreams. Reality is not the flavor you expect it to be. As I grow up, I find that I wake up with a finite and often startlingly little amount of energy. This is spent on dogs, work, conversations, reminding myself I don’t need more tech (for now) and finally, time with loved ones. The last one is what I try and save most of it for, to be honest.
Now, on any given day there’s quite a few opportunities for me to engage in ‘winnable” situations – mostly things like what show to watch, or whether we should watch the new Deadpool movie, do the dogs need another accessory, do we really need to go to that dinner. The more serious ones I won’t name but all relationships suffer from those moments where the other takes a position that you don’t agree with.
The more serious moments can be frustrating. In my experience, those moments where someone cannot share your viewpoint is like standing at the edge of steep hill when you cannot see the bottom.
You can jump into a conversation, or you can walk away.
I’ve known both kinds of people. Those who rarely engage and those who have commandeered entire meals to make sure they prove their viewpoint to be the only one worth having.
Honestly, you got to pick your battles.
I respect someone who stands up for what they believe in, but when the food is getting cold, and you’ve scrolled most of Netflix trying not to watch what your partner wants to watch – that battle is no longer worth winning. Put on their movie and eat your dinner. You’ll be done in ten minutes, anyways.
It is the naive mindset that tries to win every situation because their worth is linked to how correct everyone else thinks they are. Or yet worse, it is linked to how wrong they can prove others.
To know when it is not worth it, is a skill I hope you all work on. To spare yourself the effort of explaining yourself to one who will not understand. Avoid wielding logic in a situation spurned by emotion. Run from those who sink low to win, lest you find yourself sinking lower. And in the face of blatant ignorance and blind belief, nod or better yet, stay silent. To avoid starting some battles, is a victory in itself, I have learned.
In many ways, I link this to self-care. Care about yourself enough to know when to engage, when to step back and if you’re like me, when to send a long letter explaining how you feel so you can’t be interrupted by those incapables of listening.
In no time, we’ll all end up veterans of those small everyday battles. Scarred from the wrong ones, glad for the right ones, and happy about the times we picked peace over pride.
